A "secret" literary folio of a NOT-SO-KNOWN Eccentric CLOSET POET/ASPIRING FILMMAKER/SELF-PROCLAIMED INSOMNIA QUEEN.
A venue for WEIRD musings of an INDIE MUSICIAN/CHORISTER-IN-HIATUS.
A place where I CAN GET LOST INTO.
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Do You EVEN Know Me?
i am CREATIVE. i am CURIOUS. i write and COMPOSE what i please. i CAN do whatever i want. i CAN sometimes be COLD. i am CANDID. i COULD be anyone... i COULD just be any girl... but i DO have ONE NAME. I AM C. I AM CAMS AND THIS IS MY CATHARSIS.
I Read Them. I Love Them. Period.
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Friday, May 14, 2010 @ 1:05 AM
"Hi I'm 22... and I'm an UNDERACHIVER."I had been on this weird phase for these past few months, NOT writing a single entry for 2010. I would ALWAYS fish out my notepad to scribble random ideas or save my thoughts on my trusty laptop... but then again, I FAIL to post everything at the end of the day.
I'm NOT SO SURE if I'm doing a "blogging diet" or maybe...
I HAD NO INSPIRATION to blog at all.
Yeah, I just turned 22 last March and TOP it all of...
a. I STILL WASN'T able to GRADUATE
b. I STILL have NO boyfriend (I have a love-hate relationship on this issue actually)
c. I WAS NOT churning out ANY new songs
d. I am RETURNING to my "bored-insecure-self pity" phase (yikes!)
and LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST...
e. I LOST my drive... and STILL HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE! (seriously!)
I don't have a clue on what to do anymore. I couldn't see what I probably will be in the future.
In OTHER WORDS...
I DON'T want to talk about ANYTHING that refers to either:
b. LOVE LIFE
Reaching the age of 22, I do FEEL that I am INDEED an UNDERACHIEVER.
While MOST of my batchmates are already earning thousands, I'm STILL STUCK to the same course and to the SAME FREAKIN' PLACE for about 5 years already. Talk about NOT going UP the career ladder.
People are pestering me MORE nowadays with the question:
"Kailan ka ba gragraduate? (When are you graduating?)"
And I am sooo TEMPTED to retort:
"Hindi na. Ayoko na eh. (Not anymore. I don't want to anymore.)"
If having diplomas were the MAIN ISSUE in the professional sector, heck...
I DON'T WANNA ENTER that sector!
Seriously, if ONLY artists were given MUCH respect and MORE venues to work in, I wouldn't HESITATE to just drop out of school and get BACK to work on my compositions, unfinished scripts and stories, and produce MORE poems.
However, I'm just NOT sure if someone would actually take MY side at this point in time. As my siblings, friends, and ALMOST everyone around have ALWAYS said:
"Masasayang lang ang oras at pinag-aralan mo (You'll just waste your time and what you've already studied)..."
I HONESTLY DON'T FREAKIN' CARE ANYMORE.
All I wanted to say is...
"I JUST WANT OUT. I JUST WANT TO BE FREE TO DO WHAT I REALLY WANTED. JUST ACCEPT IT YOU FREAKS!"
***And I heavily sighed and just merely posted this on the blog. sh*t.