A "secret" literary folio of a NOT-SO-KNOWN Eccentric CLOSET POET/ASPIRING FILMMAKER/SELF-PROCLAIMED INSOMNIA QUEEN.
A venue for WEIRD musings of an INDIE MUSICIAN/CHORISTER-IN-HIATUS.
A place where I CAN GET LOST INTO.
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i am CREATIVE. i am CURIOUS. i write and COMPOSE what i please. i CAN do whatever i want. i CAN sometimes be COLD. i am CANDID. i COULD be anyone... i COULD just be any girl... but i DO have ONE NAME. I AM C. I AM CAMS AND THIS IS MY CATHARSIS.
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Saturday, July 11, 2009 @ 5:47 AM
Of Confessions, Shattered Dreams, and Endless Waiting****buried through piles and piles of files in my laptop, i've unearthed this blog post meant to be published sooner. but the emotion still lingers****
Once, I dreamt of being with someone, a prince who will sweep me off my feet. Then that imaginary world came crashing down, just because of a single confession. I had always admired him. I had befriended him even. But when a friend of mine suddenly burst out that she had always liked him too, I had to shut my mouth. I had to keep my feelings for the guy we BOTH liked to myself… yet again.
After that surprising confession, I had mixed feelings. I was surprisingly happy, when she told me that the guy we both dreamt of had no romantic inclination on her. The catch, we weren’t even sure if he blurted it out because there wasn’t really any connection in the first place or… he was finally letting her go. The confession seemed like a shirred glass, piercing my heart bit by bit. Why do I always have to like a guy, who might never love me back in return?
He was always giving off mixed signals… but only to find out that he does that to almost every girl he met. Indeed, he was one of those special guys, who instead of caring for me will just disappoint me again and shatter my dreams. Why does this always happen? Why do I still fall for guys who in the end, is not worthy of my love and affection? Or am I the one to blame for everything?
I admit I am too idealistic at times, wishing that the apple of my eye would feel the same as what I felt for him. Now, I am getting tired. I am getting tired of being just the perennial friend, the girl friend that will never ever be considered a girlfriend. When will be my turn to be treated sweetly? When can I experience a romantic date? When can I even experience holding hands with a guy while talking and walking through the park?
Until all of these have not happened yet… I’ll just continue on and on, asking why? :(
Tuesday, July 7, 2009 @ 4:03 AM
CrushedDreams suddenly shattered,
Another heartache then comes.
Tears never went streaming,
Yet her soul began screaming.
Silently, her heart continues to wail,
She seems happy, but her soul is frail.
Because of a secret that wasn't meant to be divulged,
A secret that can bring about endless pain.
She wanted to let it all out,
But she had second doubts.
Unfortunately, the chance is gone,
What is done is indeed done.
Who was the girl that was crushed,
By a secret that will forever haunt her?
Who is she?
Now I admit... it is ME. :(