A "secret" literary folio of a NOT-SO-KNOWN Eccentric CLOSET POET/ASPIRING FILMMAKER/SELF-PROCLAIMED INSOMNIA QUEEN.
A venue for WEIRD musings of an INDIE MUSICIAN/CHORISTER-IN-HIATUS.
A place where I CAN GET LOST INTO.
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i am CREATIVE. i am CURIOUS. i write and COMPOSE what i please. i CAN do whatever i want. i CAN sometimes be COLD. i am CANDID. i COULD be anyone... i COULD just be any girl... but i DO have ONE NAME. I AM C. I AM CAMS AND THIS IS MY CATHARSIS.
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Saturday, March 24, 2012 @ 11:12 AM
Of Coffee Shops and Being Alone*I wrote this on my cat-filled designed journal at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Gateway just a few hours ago.*
This is one of those days where I TOTALLY MISS those quaint, private coffee shops of Elbi.
Since I am now back in the "Urban Jungle" a.k.a. Manila, my craving for coffee and a "serene" hangout can now only be slightly sufficed by these popular, big-named coffee houses that are scattered around the metro.
What it doesn't suffice though for me compared to those nooks in Elbi are these 2 things:
Here in the metropolis, it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to find a coffee house that offers their products for less that a hundred bucks hence for students like myself (who are thriving frugally through a mere allowance from parents) have to "cough out" much more which in my case is not only heartbreaking...
But also "wallet-breaking" as well. HUHUHU. T___T. HAHA.
The main aspect that made me love hanging out in coffee shops is the privacy that it offers. During my +++ years of stay in Elbi, this factor made me feel "oh so comfortable," whether I hang there with my friends to catch on dozens of stories (talkshow mode); or when I just want to be alone, taking a breather from all the academic chaos.
Alas, here in the "Urban Jungle," the mere fact that you enter a shop ALONE (yes, alone & dateless, you get the picture); everyone & I mean EVERYONE will stare at you (sometimes others would even gasp in disbelief) at the sheer sight. This "moment" personally makes me feel that I've done such a horrible, grave thing.
Wait a minute, does being alone at times such a crime?
"Bawal ba magkapeng mag-isa?"
Classic example is my experience as I am writing this blogpost in my cat-filled journal. Sipping my Vanilla-latte while:
a. Polishing my manus
b. Listening to my iPod
and c. Scribbling down my thoughts in a journal
All while having NO COMPANY a midst this purely glass-walled (aquarium-ish) coffee place seemed to get a lot of customers' attention. At random times when I look up to think as I write or type, I kept on catching several individuals stare, which for me is well, kind of uncomfortable. No, SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.
And since it seems that I have to get used to this since I'm back in Manila for good, I guess I have to find or hunt down a different place that'll make feel "at home," ALONE OR NOT. :/
Thursday, March 22, 2012 @ 10:09 AM
The Lone Traveler
Yes, I am but indeed a lone traveler.
This was the realization that suddenly popped in my head while I was traveling through my normal route going home which is from the outskirts of Elbi to the suburbs of dear 'ole Antipolo.
I was just minding my own business as usual, whiling away my time listening through my iPod during the oh-so-conducive-to-sleeping long bus ride, and as I transfer to the train.
I'm quite used to traveling alone so everything felt normal...
Or so I thought.
By some twist of fate, the moment I alighted from my train stop; dozens of couples and I mean dozens suddenly appeared from nowhere, all doing the HHWW or "Holding Hands While Walking." I don't really have an issue with them doing that but what actually pissed me off (to the point that I almost hurled a sling bag in anger) was these couples were walking a bit too slow, well more like really sloooow that I can't help but compare them to "walkers" (or zombies for the non-Walking Dead fan) slowly trudging and blocking my path.
I was in a rush, as in hell bent on doing a mad dash so that I can catch the remaining fx taxis bound for home and this one helluva "mini-lovers' lane parade" was absolutely slowing my pace.
Despite the chaos, I was fortunate enough to catch a ride though in a very cramp one but at least, I got home.
And from that recent experience, I vow to myself that I will NEVER block paths once I get "coupled up" in the very distant future...
But then again, would I even be able to find someone to hold hands with in the first place?!?
Tough luck. HAHA.
Saturday, March 10, 2012 @ 10:25 AM
FriendzoneFriend and zone are 2 very different words that are usually NOT used in the same sentence...
Until SOMEONE concocted the monicker: "FRIENDZONE."
What is it?
Is it a cool place to hangout?
Is it a place where BFFs (bestfriends forever) thrive?
Is this an area where you can find well obviously, friends?
One doesn't REALLY even know WHERE, WHEN, or HOW it starts actually.
One JUST GRADUALLY realizes...
AND THAT'S THE MOST PAINFUL PART.
I personally have been in "that zone" all these years.
It just dawned upon me that "the feeling was mutual... the feeling was ONCE mutual."
The guys that I have liked did liked me back too, BUT NOT OF THE SAME INTENSITY.
They would suddenly proclaim things such as:
"Oh she's like a sister to me..."
"She's the bestfriend I could ever have..."
"Uhh.... kumusta kana nga pala?"
In a blink of an eye, everything was then transformed by "SELECTIVE AMNESIA."
His disposition & on how he treats you abruptly changes, faster than you can say "Huh?"
And there you are, suddenly at lost for words. You are caught in severe & yes, heartbreak-inducing shock.
You are now left alone, pondering why it NEVER worked out and on why there was an abrupt change in the first place.
Questions and moments will haunt you in the most inconvenient of times but all of these would still be irrelevant on finding those answers.
Some say that the ONLY way to escape being "friendzoned" was to actually FIND SOMEONE who'll appreciate/love you with the SAME intensity.
Unfortunately, NOT EVERYONE has the privilege to have THAT someone.
So what do those UNFORTUNATE "friendzoned" individuals do?
Just blog about it?