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i am CREATIVE. i am CURIOUS. i write and COMPOSE what i please. i CAN do whatever i want. i CAN sometimes be COLD. i am CANDID. i COULD be anyone... i COULD just be any girl... but i DO have ONE NAME. I AM C. I AM CAMS AND THIS IS MY CATHARSIS.
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Sunday, May 16, 2010 @ 10:11 AM
The Day When I ALMOST Cried in PublicIt was a TYPICAL Sunday, waking up feeling lethargic from insomnia and having a "badtrip spell" the whole time I was getting ready for mass (no thanks to early-morning "sermon"). My eyes were actually pretty blank and I was unusually quiet on the way and while entering the church...
Because I admit, I feel quite melancholic nowadays. :(
All throughout the mass, I couldn't even bear to concentrate on what the priest was talking about since SOMETHING was still preoccupying my mind...
SOMETHING VERY SERIOUS and NOT just a run-of-the-mill quarter life crisis.
It was still about my "What-the-hell-should-I-freaking-do-with-my-life" issue. I am REALLY desperate to find answers and I was actually hoping that MAYBE I could find it during the mass awhile ago.
Alas, all I got was MORE sadness. And with songs about "You-just-let-God-be-your-guide" during communion... my eyes SUDDENLY began to well up. I was on the verge of quivering since what should a clueless, underachiever girl like me can still do when stuck in this sh*tty position, right?!?
I was desperately seeking answers, but I NEVER got a single sign... damn.
Good thing I was able to bite my tongue hard so that I wouldn't just bawl out beside my siblings during communion... talk about a would-be shocker for them I bet!
I just COULDN'T believe that I ALMOST cried in public for the VERY first time in my entire life.
Out of sheer luck, I prevented myself from crying and saved my dignity.
I STILL DON'T HAVE ANSWERS, I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY CLUE... AND I REALLY, REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. :(
As they say: "Do Your Best and God Will Do the Rest..."
I already DID (in a span of 5 years) and NOTHING happened AT ALL.
So what's Your plan NOW God?!? TELL ME cause I'm freaking TIRED already! :s