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i am CREATIVE. i am CURIOUS. i write and COMPOSE what i please. i CAN do whatever i want. i CAN sometimes be COLD. i am CANDID. i COULD be anyone... i COULD just be any girl... but i DO have ONE NAME. I AM C. I AM CAMS AND THIS IS MY CATHARSIS.
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Monday, April 4, 2011 @ 12:21 PM
Now That I Have You... NOT :("Now that I have you, everything just seems so right.
Now that I have you, I'm alive.
You are the song that I'll be singing my whole life through,
I'm living in a brighter world, NOW THAT I HAVE YOU."
I was just re-listening to a MADZ (Philippine Madrigal Singers) Performance of this love song on Youtube when suddenly, I felt something in my chest.
Yes, it STILL DOES hurt.
I wasn't expecting to be emo or anything again for the nth time but there are still some instances (I admit) that I feel bad for being alone or in simpler terms, single.
I'm not that desperate on finding the "right one" but sometimes, it does get a bit lonely when traveling or having coffee runs, or when planning to watch a movie. I mean it's kind of a bum out if you have no one to share your insights with right?!
And it kinda sucks too that I don't have that certain inspiration I needed to compose again or to sing something romantic with all my heart since I don't have anyone to start with... or maybe it was I ALMOST HAD ONE, BUT IT GOT AWAY AGAIN.
The cycle of almost having someone is quite repetitive it seems and I guess I never learn, or if I did; I just learned minimally. It's like heartache then someone new comes along, then this someone new disappears then this WHOLE chain repeats itself again. Though I hate to admit it, this becomes a TRAUMATIC experience for me.
With all that has transpired with my non-existent lovelife, the line: "Now that I have you, everything just seems so right" is just PLAIN BS. I mean seriously, can you REALLY have someone in your life that will make everything shiny, happy, and perfect all the time? GODDAMN NO OF COURSE!
Maybe I've become bitter or better yet, MORE NUMB as I can ever be. Since I've tried BOTH WAYS (being reserved and being a bit more aggressive) and BOTH DIDN'T WORK, I'd rather NOT expect someone to come to my life anymore.
Fate has been very unfair in this aspect of my life so why wait? It seems so pointless already since every single time someone comes, I ALWAYS end up saying:
"Now That I Have You... NOT." :/