Tell me what’s MORE disturbing than catching yourself blaring that ‘ole staple cheesy (but iconic) song “Torete” on a constant loop (over the headphones of course)?

I can’t imagine myself feeling too preoccupied; on a VERY lazy, humid Saturday night while I’m certainly not doing anything productive. I simply can’t put a finger on where or what or why (or maybe who) I am REALLY bothered with as of the moment. As much as I feel so “weirded out” with this predicament of mine, I simply chose not to talk at all.

Writing it out seems more convenient for me although it does felt trivial so to speak. I know I shouldn’t be anxious if there isn’t any good reason to be one...

Or is there something underlying beneath the depths of my “all-to-weary” subconscious then?

I now begin to wonder on WHAT really gets me THIS uneasy and uncertain in such a way that I constantly feel something nagging in my brain and tugging in my emotions. And it’s quite shameful that I can’t even put into words what exact mixture of sensations I am having as I write/type this away.

Despite the fact that I am terribly (and I am sorry that I couldn’t help it) loquacious to the core, I still seem to have this “invisible wall/shell” where I tend to hide what I really think, how I really feel when caught in an unguarded moment... such as this. My life may seem like an “open book” for everyone to know but I kind of still have those “deepest, darkest” secrets that even if someone had to profusely threaten or bribe me to spill; wouldn’t even get a fragment of what I know.

Maybe I should try opening up for real?

Maybe I should be more courageous in what I have and want to really say?

Maybe I should be more in touch with my own emotions so that I won’t be so afraid to be as brutally honest as I can?

But hell, I admit it’s a hard thing to do. I couldn’t even write into detail, I couldn’t even turn my bottled-up emotions into publicly-shared songs and poems...

So how am I going to get out of this emotional rut?

I honestly seem to think that I am VERY TERRIBLE when it comes to managing the things that constantly go through my mind.

Seriously though, I now do think I am sending my OWN S.O.S.

God don’t save the Queen, save me instead! (pun intended)